Christmas can intensify pre-existing violence for survivors of domestic abuse and leave them feeling increasingly isolated, but it is not an issue confined to the festive period.
Miriam Merkova of Welsh Women’s Aid writes that challenging gender stereotypes and misogyny is vital in tackling violence against women and girls, and that years of insecure and precarious funding risks leaving women without support this Christmas.
The festive season does not create abuse. No external factor – be it alcohol, family tensions, the stress of the pandemic, or financial pressures – are a justification for it. But, if abuse or violence is already taking place in a relationship, the circumstances around festivities can exacerbate or intensify it, making this time of year particularly dangerous for survivors.
Similar narratives linking violence against women to a specific event were heard during the coronavirus lockdowns. The impacts of the pandemic on domestic violence rates have been well documented. In Wales, the pandemic resulted in an increase in contacts from survivors (22%) and concerned others (43%) to the Live Fear Free Helpline whilst community-based services saw a 23% increase in referrals from the previous financial year.
Again, the pandemic did not create more domestic abuse, it exacerbated pre-existing abuse, and created an environment which made it easier for perpetrators to control women: more people were working from home or were off work sick, and social distancing rules have been exploited by abusers to limit women’s movements and exert control. During lockdown, with businesses and shops closed, or services limited and over-stretched, many women found themselves more isolated and faced with far fewer opportunities to escape abusers or call for help. Children in particular felt abandoned, as they lacked the usual contact with friends, teachers and other professionals.
But it’s important to note that domestic abuse happens all year round and happens “because the abuser wants to dominate and control their partner or family member.” It will not stop after Christmas, and nor will it stop when Covid-19 restrictions ease.
Discussions of gender-based violence and domestic abuse too often focus on the role of the survivor. It is never the responsibility of women to modify their behaviour and limit their freedoms to stop violence, abuse, and harassment. Whether at home, at celebrations, on public transport, or walking down the street, women should have the freedom to exist without the fear of harm.
The focus needs to shift to the prevention of misogynistic and sexist attitudes that allow abuse and violence to thrive in our society.
1 in 3 women will have experienced abuse over their lifetimes. This means that many of us are likely to cross paths with a survivor or perpetrator this Christmas – whether at a party, at faith groups, or at the family dinner table.
What we say matters, but what we don’t say matters too. Gender violence is rooted in misogyny.
We need to challenge these harmful, misogynistic attitudes towards women, which are rife during the festive period – such as who has the caring and cooking responsibilities, and who gets to rest and put their feet up.
These narratives have also been pushed by advertisers and go hand in hand with the image of the traditional family preferred by the system we live in.
Victim-blaming sentiments such as: “that’s a women’s job”, “did you see what she was wearing?”, “why did she get in the car with him”, “she shouldn’t have been walking alone at night” or “why didn’t she just leave if it was that bad?” can be rife and perpetuate the narrative that women are responsible for keeping themselves safe from violence.
Disrupting these narratives can be daunting, especially around domestic violence and sexual abuse, which many people still view as taboo subjects. Welsh Women’s Aid’s ‘Ask Me’ scheme aims to equip individuals and communities with the information required to break the silence on violence against women, domestic abuse, and sexual violence (VAWDASV).
The scheme provides free training, which can help people feel more confident to discuss VAWDASV with their peers and gives them the knowledge, not only to share with others, but to challenge harmful views they might come across – at Christmas time, but also all year round.
‘Ask Me’ provides ongoing support and training to help respond to anyone who shares their experience of abuse with them. Evidence shows that friends and family are the most likely to be the first to know about somebody who is experiencing violence or abuse, so it’s important that the Ask Me community can confidently signpost survivors to the support that they need.
This is only part of the story this Christmas, however. Year on year, Welsh Women’s Aid has been calling for a sustainable funding model for VAWDASV provision in Wales so that every survivor is able to access the vital support that they need. Years of competitive tendering, patchwork and often short-term funding has left services stretched to their limit.
Staff who provided lifesaving services during the pandemic have not seen their wages go up in over a decade. At the end of the last financial year, a total of 692 survivors were unable to be supported in refuge due to capacity and 312 survivors remained on waiting lists for sexual violence services.
These are some of the most vulnerable women who have been marginalised by their immigration status and lack of access to public funds, their experiences of poor mental health or use of substances, often the result of the abuse they’ve experienced.
Despite all the hardship and lack of funding, however, services still keep going 365 days a year, to open their doors and to support anyone in need.
If you are concerned about yourself or someone you know during this time, you can contact Live Fear Free for confidential support and advice.
The helpline is open all year round and is there to support everyone; women, men and children of any age and can contact the helpline, which is available via telephone, web chat, or text. The helpline can be accessed in a range of languages and is available 24/7.
In an emergency, you should call 999.
Live Fear Free
Call: 0808 80 10 800
Text: 07860 077333
Webchat: https://gov.wales/live-fear-free
We can all play a role in supporting our community. Violence against Women and Girls is Everybody’s business. So why not join the movement and make your 2022 resolution a commitment to ending violence against women by signing up to join the ‘Ask Me’ scheme.
